There is a baby boom among my friends this year… and since my kids are no longer babies, it kind of made me think. I do think about (and feel like) having another baby. However, I do feel anxious about it as well.
Actually, I already gave up the idea to have more children. I’ve given away all the baby clothes that once belong to Kakak and Adik. I am an unfabulous mum at most when I am being impatient. I always feel that (my) children deserve better. Children with their curiousity and not yet being able to understand the real world should have wonderfully patient mums.
I am happy, yes but sometimes I don’t think Mr. A and I are not good parents. We don’t know how to quietly argue. I don’t want my kids to grow up confuse and defensive. Once again I feel so unfabulous.
Being a parent is never easy I know but sometimes I wonder is it fair to bring an innocent child to a world that is so imperfect and flawed?
Besides, my greatest fear is breastfeeding. I don’t think much about giving birth. I mean once you’re done, you’re done right?! But breastfeeding is too much hard work for someone who has flat and / or inverted nipples like me. It hurts too much – physically and mentally.
Breastfeeding had caused my nipples to severely crack that one of them is scarred forever. (I wonder if I still can breastfeed with that breast). And when I don’t breastfeed I feel guilty and like a failure (furthermore when everybody else is doing it and unconsciously judging those who don't).
Actually, I already gave up the idea to have more children. I’ve given away all the baby clothes that once belong to Kakak and Adik. I am an unfabulous mum at most when I am being impatient. I always feel that (my) children deserve better. Children with their curiousity and not yet being able to understand the real world should have wonderfully patient mums.
I am happy, yes but sometimes I don’t think Mr. A and I are not good parents. We don’t know how to quietly argue. I don’t want my kids to grow up confuse and defensive. Once again I feel so unfabulous.
Being a parent is never easy I know but sometimes I wonder is it fair to bring an innocent child to a world that is so imperfect and flawed?
Besides, my greatest fear is breastfeeding. I don’t think much about giving birth. I mean once you’re done, you’re done right?! But breastfeeding is too much hard work for someone who has flat and / or inverted nipples like me. It hurts too much – physically and mentally.
Breastfeeding had caused my nipples to severely crack that one of them is scarred forever. (I wonder if I still can breastfeed with that breast). And when I don’t breastfeed I feel guilty and like a failure (furthermore when everybody else is doing it and unconsciously judging those who don't).
Still we have actually decided to ditch all methods of family planning. I can’t say that I am trying hard. What I can only say is whatever will be; will be.
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, July 07, 2009
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Parenting worries
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First...nobody is perfect...and you don't deserve that unfabulous title. Tak seswai!
Two...don;t give up on bfeeding. Maybe try a lil bit harder this time BUT...if you fail once again, so what??...it's not the end of the world kan.
Rayyan merasa susu aku dalam 2 mths ajer..tu pun on and off. After that susu lembu. And if you can't bfeed,pls don't go to those so-called supermummy website.Tak dapat bfeed doesn't mean we are bad mothers. And if you can bfeed...doesn't mean you've done enough for the kids!. Bfeeding is just a start. Don't worry. Banyak lagi yang kita boleh buat untuk anak2...yang paling penting sumber rezeki yang HALAL...bukan setakat bagi susu ajer.
Aku tak sure this time camner. But everyday berdoa mintak the bf session will be better than before. Semangat nak bf kena kuat untuk orang2 macam kita ni.
Again, aku still depends on my old book on bf. Buku local tak bleh pakai. Buat aku lagi stress ader la.
thanx kiah. ko la yg paling paham aku bab breastfeeding ni. take care beb.
Agree with zakiah, u dont deserve to call yourself unfabulous! And there is no such thing as a scarred nipple forever! There are creams u can use to get it back to normal (I should know cos I'm still breastfeeding Salma at 9 months old). And maybe it was so painful for you because your babies did not latch on properly, and it's not your fault. With the next baby, just go to a lactation class, and they'll show you how to teach your baby to suckle properly!
I love the bonding time with my baby during breastfeeding! Ya, sometimes it's tiring, but it's nice when it's just the two of us and we smile at eachother while lying down... :)
breastfeeding is fun and easy once the latching on is perfected by baby. And then it's your willpower to produce milk after that, because insyaallah, as long as your baby's saliva touches your nipple, you will produce milk. Even on those stressful days at work when i can't pump a single ounce at work, when i get home, she drinks and drinks! It's all in the mind. God is Great. :)
i'm serious nadia.. i have this one scar on my nipple. it looks like it is tore open. it cracked and never did close up! and i know about it's-all-in-the-mind thing. i had plenty of milk. i have no problem with milk production. i guess i wasn't determined enough. i couldn't stand the pain. the baby latched on alright - i went to see a breastfeeding counsellor thrice when i was breasfeeding adik and she told i did it right everytime. to me the pain was wayyyyy worst than giving birth. that's why i had to stop. it was "killing" me softly *sigh*
next bb, call aku okkay...aku akan tolong.. :P